it’s a strange place to be in
Everything seems the same. It all starts to melt together into one boring clump of life.
Everyday, waking up and doing the exact same thing, eating the same things, always the same.
My life was never this way. I enjoyed a wealth of new things and places all the time. I have never liked staying still, or being in one place for too long..
But as they say, “opposites attract” I ended up with someone who hates the meaning of the word “new,” At first I thought I could deal with it. I mean, yeah, he’s a great guy. But sometimes you need more than just “great.” Sometimes the perfect person is NOT what you’re looking for. So after I realized this, I felt like an ass. “why would I want to date an ass?” I kept asking myself. and I don’t WANT to date a jerk, no one wants that. But it would be nice to share things with someone who can share them with me. This isn’t my fiance’s fault at all. But I am starting to resent him for it. For my own boredom, and my ever growing feeling of being stuck.
My fiance can be described in one word. “safe.”
he has had the same job for 7 years, which isn’t bad.
He’s comfortable being told what to do, what to want, and when to want it.
He sticks to what he knows and only that.
He doesn’t really have a spark or creativity and it’s very hard for him to see things past his own POV.
Now, these aren’t necessarily BAD traits. He’s attentive, he listens, he’s a solid person to depend on, he’s funny, supportive, and those things re appreciated.
But after almost 3 years, I feel that I am missing something. Something crucial. I feel like I am missing a part of myself. The part of me that loved making new friends, and doing new things.. I am missing the very part of me that brought my fiance and I together. So how can I be myself, while still hold on to a relationship.
Some say “Compromise” is the way, but I can’t help but feel I’ve been the one doing all the compromising. I’ve given up my independence, my want to travel, my friends, my way of living, I’ve not only compromised but given it up altogether..
Why do I resent the person I love for changes that he didn’t make me take..
These are changes I knew I had to make to make this relationship work.. and the question I keep asking myself is “is it worth it?”
Is it though? Is losing sight of yourself and your goals worth being in a relationship for?
Am I selfish?
Is he really just better off without ME? instead of the other way around?
Obviously I am in need of serious guidance.. -_-