personal

The monotony of life

it’s a strange place to be in
Everything seems the same. It all starts to melt together into one boring clump of life.
Everyday, waking up and doing the exact same thing, eating the same things, always the same.
My life was never this way. I enjoyed a wealth of new things and places all the time. I have never liked staying still, or being in one place for too long..
But as they say, “opposites attract” I ended up with someone who hates the meaning of the word “new,” At first I thought I could deal with it. I mean, yeah, he’s a great guy. But sometimes you need more than just “great.” Sometimes the perfect person is NOT what you’re looking for. So after I realized this, I felt like an ass. “why would I want to date an ass?” I kept asking myself. and I don’t WANT to date a jerk, no one wants that. But it would be nice to share things with someone who can share them with me. This isn’t my fiance’s fault at all. But I am starting to resent him for it. For my own boredom, and my ever growing feeling of being stuck.
My fiance can be described in one word. “safe.”
he has had the same job for 7 years, which isn’t bad.
He’s comfortable being told what to do, what to want, and when to want it.
He sticks to what he knows and only that.
He doesn’t really have a spark or creativity and it’s very hard for him to see things past his own POV.
Now, these aren’t necessarily BAD traits. He’s attentive, he listens, he’s a solid person to depend on, he’s funny, supportive, and those things re appreciated.
But after almost 3 years, I feel that I am missing something. Something crucial. I feel like I am missing a part of myself. The part of me that loved making new friends, and doing new things.. I am missing the very part of me that brought my fiance and I together. So how can I be myself, while still hold on to a relationship.
Some say “Compromise” is the way, but I can’t help but feel I’ve been the one doing all the compromising. I’ve given up my independence, my want to travel, my friends, my way of living, I’ve not only compromised but given it up altogether..
Why do I resent the person I love for changes that he didn’t make me take..
These are changes I knew I had to make to make this relationship work.. and the question I keep asking myself is “is it worth it?”
Is it though? Is losing sight of yourself and your goals worth being in a relationship for?
Am I selfish?
Is he really just better off without ME? instead of the other way around?

Obviously I am in need of serious guidance.. -_-

“low-Hanging pants now a crime in Ocala”

Read Ocala.com ‘s article HERE!

 

Today I saw that my hometown of Ocala, FL had passed a law on “sagged” pants that includes a $500 fine and an up to 6 month jail sentence for what is now a “second degree Misdemeanor offense.” At first I was like “yay” and then I thought about it.. and because very torn.
On one hand, I hate seeing people walking around with pants literally down to their knees. But on the other hand, it’s really no one’s business what someone else decides to wear or how to wear it.
There have been laws like this all over Florida, but a good part of them have been repealed and seen as “unconstitutional” which I can agree with. But there’s so many other cities out there not just in Florida that have implemented this ruling and has worked great.
Cities in New York, New Jersey, California, and Florida have banned the use of saggy or “hanging” pants, calling it a “vulgar display” and “disrespectful.” and have aimed at keeping these law in place in the “interest of common decency.”
Now, I completely agree.. it looks distateful, it looks trashy and dirty and all that.. but is it really enough to have the Government interfere with our closets? Should we be dictated on what to wear and how to wear it?

I agree that everyone should dress like they have some sense.
what I do not agree with is being told what to do or wear and how to do it or wear it. That will never be ok, thus my being torn.

This ban has gone on to be called “racial profiling” claiming that the law is only aimed at black Americans.. This, to me, is something I find ridiculous because I KNOW for a fact that black Americans aren’t the only ones who sag their pants, and the law is very clear about “anyone” who breaks it. It says nothing about affecting black people in particular. there will always be people who make issues a racial thing, so I guess I’m not surprised there.

I’ll end this with a quote from an article on sfgate.com
“Saggy pants is a look borrowed from prison inmates who aren’t allowed to wear belts. But when society starts taking its fashion cues from the nation’s prison population, it doesn’t speak well of our culture”

 

This may be a subject in which I would really love to hear different inputs from people, so if you feel a certain way about this law, please do let me know! :D

 

Facebook

Facebook is where we spend most of our time these days. It’s a great way to keep up with friends, family, and everything else for that matter. So it is no surprise that most, if not all of us have Facebook!

So with this said, I’d like to bring up my Facebook and ask everyone who reads this to please check out my page and if you like it, please like it!

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If you look around my blog you can also find my Instagram and Twitter pages and if you want to like them too, well hey, that’s even cooler :)

 

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Guilt.

I’m sleepless and guilt ridden for the way I spoke to my mother today. It was supposed to be an amazing day, and I was quick to accept the time off that was offered to me today at work just so I could spend some time with my family, as we all have different schedules and it is so hard to get us all to come together. They finally got to my place and I was so excited to have them over! We decided to go to the mall since we all were hungry and we all wanted something different -_- Once at the mall, my brother and I decided we wanted Panera.. so on our way to Panera, my mother blurts out the most random, most prejudiced thing I’ve heard in a while.. outloud.. in English.. in a mall full of people… I lost it. I don’t know what came over me, but I had it. I started lecturing her on how bad it is that she would say that and I became infuriated and pretty much blew up on her.. She got mad or embarrassed, or both and stormed off as we were getting to the Panera. I felt instantly so horrible, I knew that I had hurt my mother’s feelings, but I wasn’t sorry for it, just sad it happened.
After that we continued on with our day but I know she felt bad and I know I did too.. Shortly after, after we saw the fireworks, she decided to go home along with my brothers.
When she left I still couldn’t help but feel so horrible about the way I had blown up on her but I also wasn’t sorry for what I said and it made me feel confused, sad, angry and all sorts of other emotions, which lead to me going down to Wendy’s and buying the biggest burger I could and devour it and now I am laying in bed nauseous and feeling like shit about life..
On one hand I cannot feel bad about what I said to her. I feel I am entirely justified in the anger I felt at hearing my mother say such a borderline racist thing that I won’t even repeat out of respect for her. It is not right to look down on other cultures, nationalities, or people just because they are different. Not understanding different things doesn’t give us the right to dehumanize these people or notions and treat them like they are worthless or second class. I have never nor will I ever tolerate that behavior from anyone and hearing my mother say such things really hurts because she was person that raised me and she always taught us to embrace people, and difference, and individuality.. and to hear her sounding so close minded and against everything I stand for hurts.. But this should be no surprise to me since she’s always been this way.. But as of lately it seems she’s gotten more vocal about it and it is wrong. In every way, shape, and form, it is wrong and I cannot accept that. My biggest fear is that one day she’ll say the wrong thing to the wrong people and we won’t be there to help her. The thought that something might happen to my mother is enough for an emotional breakdown. I couldn’t bear it.
On the other hand, however, I felt like shit because I made her feel like shit. I know she was startled by my reaction and looking back on it, I was too, since I always find ways to settle issues by talking, I reacted very violently this time.. I know she was shocked and hurt by me talking to her the way I did, and in some way she feels she did nothing wrong by speaking her mind and like she said, she CAN do and say whatever she wants, but freedom of speech doesn’t always mean freedom from consequence.. and it’s the consequence part that scares the shit out of me. This closed minded way of thinking isn’t just hers, and I know that. It is a mindset formed by media, uninformed people, and the general thinking that just because something or someone is different, it must be bad and shunned. I can’t completely blame her because prejudice is all around us everyday of our lives, and there will always be more and more people who adopt this way of thinking.. But she should know better than most that being different is hard. She knows all of the things we went through, our house being vandalized, getting weird looks from people, and even her husband being asked to leave an establishment once just because of where we come from.. So knowing how hard it is to be different, to look different, and to even speak different, how can she be so ok with stereotyping and using slurs? How can she do to other people what has been done to us?
I can’t change everyone’s way of thinking, and I understand that. But I really do believe that everyone should learn to love one another and that is how I try to live my life everyday. Tolerance is the way through life. I love my mother to death and she is my role model, my hero, my everything.. but there’s some things I cannot agree with and I cannot be quiet about them.
I feel like shit right now, but only for the way I made her feel.. Not the point I tried to make.

a moment of vanity

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So I have a new scarf and all these new headbands that I decided to pile on my head LOL also spent my entire lunch hour playing with eyeshadows :) I’m hungry :( but I think I’m getting a little better at it lol!!
Of course, this is nothing fancy what I did, but to me it is a bug deal because I just am NOT good at using eye shadow. Since I was able to wear makeup, I have never been good with it lol I always ended up looking like I got punched in the face and that is def not a good look at all.. ever.. unless your look is “battered woman” then fine.. but that’s not the look I want lol!!
I’ll keep trying to do my best to implement eye shadow into my everyday routine, but I took an hour today just to do eyeshadow.. that’s a bit much. I seriously need to not spend an hour on my face lol.

Day 23: “Eyeshadow”

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These are by Hard Candy and I’m surprised that they work as well as they do. Eyeshadow is not something I’m very good at.. in fact, I heavily suck at it, but I’ve made the decision to start incorporating it into my routine since I do want to learn, so I had decided to invest in something inexpensive that I can learn with. So I bought the purple cased one first. I was so surprised at how nice the colors are, so I went back to the store and bought the other 2 palates so I can have more colors to play with lol. I’m starting small, nothing crazy, but I will get this down lol
So for someone who never gets eyeshadow, this is something cheap and great to start with! When I get better, I’ll be maybe investing in something with more variety, but for now, this has been more than perfect.

 

Has anyone ever tried these eyeshadows?
Any tips on eyeshadow I should know about?
I would love to hear it all lol :)

Day 19: “Blush” (Late)

I’m not a huge fan of blush. I just don’t like it.

But sometimes my face looks just too plain and I am drawn to add some color. I’m sure it’s a struggle we’re all too familiar with..
So when I do need to not look so vampyric, I go with a nice blush from “Milani”

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A simple blush. It gives a nice light pink color to the cheeks which is nice. Sometimes you do need a slight hint of color in there. and it’s not an overwhelming type of color. It’s pretty. It wear ever so nicely and milani isn’t expensive either which is ideal for me since I don’t really want to spent a lot on something I use every once in a while.. a long, long while lol